Anything BUT Candy & Roses!

Anything BUT Candy & Roses!

 Valentines Day 101.

[For dummies men]


Valentine’s Day is not the one day Hallmark and Snickers came together to trick people into thinking they needed to spend a ton of money on calories, cards, and flowers that will eventually die. It is not the one day people “get” to show their other halves just how much they love one another because frankly, that should happen every single day of your relationship, right?

VALENTINES DAY is “just a day” you better not screw up if you don’t want to sleep on the couch for a week. It really is not that hard to just do something fantastic for your girlfriend once a year. If it makes you feel better, just call it “loves birthday”. You celebrate birthdays don’t you? Lord help you if you forget her birthday. Think of Valentine’s Day as a reminder to freshen up your love. Call it whatever you want, do it however you like just. Don’t. Neglect. It. The point is, if she goes to a sporting event with you and she hates sports then you need to make valentines a home run for her in return.

I will do a lot of legwork for you so you don’t totally blow V-day for your lady friend. I know my husband better read this from top to bottom, TWICE! I kid, I kid. But no, really.

So, without further adieu, If you are “that guy” not taking her to see 50 Shades of Grey then listen up, this is for you…But, for the record… One chick flick is not going to kill you. I’m sure you watch porn, and I am sure you will survive this movie. Please just stop acting like a Neanderthal.

Lucky for you, not all women like that sort of thing. Some women are more practical. Here are some “non-traditional” things you can do to let her know you acknowledge her appreciation for love day.

  • Clean house. Take off work in secret and scrub boy, SCRUB! Bonus if you have on sexy boxers when she gets home!
  • Buy her flowers but not roses. Pay attention to her, she will hint her favorite flowers to you only a few hundred times.
  • Make her a gift basket with all of her favorite products (Cosmo, body lotion, dark chocolate, leggings, that expensive shampoo she’s too proud to buy for herself, etc.).
  • Do something for her that you know she has been putting off. For instance, I have a box of things that I need to sell on Facebook but by the end of the day I am too tired to look at the box. Take [good] pictures of these items and upload them on her computer. Just pay attention to her, you will come up with something creative.
  • Give her a box (a cute one) full of pre-paid mystery dates. Let her cash in whenever she wants. Example here.
  • Chocolate covered strawberries. It isn’t flowers, it isn’t just chocolate. You will enjoy them too. Have fun seductively feeding them to each other. Try not to laugh! If they are homemade, even better! How-to for the Neanderthals here. Don’t forget your apron ;P.
  • Leave a Post-it heart where you know she will see it. Example here. The Dating Divas blog has a bazillion articles on romance. Keep it in your back pocket.
  • Dedicate a song to her. My hubby played a really sexy one for me and I listen to it on repeat!

Remember, Valentine’s Day was not developed with men in mind. Men are from Mars and women are, in fact, from Venus. Always keep an open mind because as you already know, women tick very different from their male counterparts.

More duh ideas I have come up with since writing the last paragraph include:

  • Whatever she buys herself, buy that.
    • Is she a sucker for shoes? Does she have several bottles of perfume? Nail polish her thing? Costume jewelry? Buy her those guilty pleasure items. Mine happens to be shoes, hence why it is first on the list. I am a shoe hoarder collector!
  • Let people know you love her. Post on Facebook, your blog, twitter, the sky, etc. Tell a stranger while you are strolling down the outlet mall. Just do not be afraid to publicize it, women love that!
  • Dance with her to her favorite song. If you’re brave, sneak her phone to check her playlist. ed
  • His and hers pillow cases. Etsy has tons of them! Just make sure they match the décor of the bedroom or she might throw a hissy fit and stuff them in a drawer. Women are irrational.
  • pillowcases2 pillowcaes
  • If you are a stealthy man and you can figure out how to time her entrance to the home, have ‘your song’ play as soon as she comes in the door. You know, like a wrestler has their theme song play while they flex down the runway. Do that.
  • Get on Pinterest. Pinterest will help you become the man of every woman’s dreams. But, for the sake of this tip I want you to search “love quotes”. Find one that you think describes your love or how you view her and have it put on a canvas for your home. Write it in a card, write it in chalk on the driveway. Get creative. a36de929e0de81c8e95872cdbaffa13b
  • Go to (again) and find some crafters that specialize in custom jewelry. get her a bracelet with your anniversary date on it.  Remember, most of the time you get what you pay for so don’t skimp on quality.

If you need date ideas:

  • Buy her lingerie, buy you lingerie. has some hot little numbers for a great price and much better quality than Victoria’s secret. Everyone knows her secret anyway, she’s a cheap stripper. Go to your bedroom and light candles. Lay there and cuddle, talk, massage each other, do whatever. Just make sure you hit the pause button on life. Erase your minds of anything but the fact that the two of you are nearly naked and alone in a quiet room. Clean the room and make the bed for her first though.
  • Instead of buying a ton of bottles of wine, get the little mini bottles in a variety of flavors and have a mini wine tasting for two. Make note of the ones you both like and buy those for another date night later. wedd_wine_group600_398
  • Go to the craft store, find two receptacles of your liking, lots of cardstock in little squares, black sharpies, and whatever else you would like to use to decorate, if at all. The two of you can spend the night keeping secrets, well.. sort of. Write as many things about the other person you LOVE, fold it up and throw it in your receptacle for the other person to read on a crappy day. If you are awesome, try to make it through 365 pieces of paper so each of you have something to read every day of the year.
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  • What is one thing she always asks you to do but you never do it? My husband hates to take selfies, for example. Initiate whatever it is that she enjoys and at the very least, pretend to enjoy it, too.
  • Take her to get his and hers tattoos. Spontaneity is FUN! Just remember not to drink alcohol ahead of time as it thins your blood.
  • Hire a photographer and tell her to dress her best. Surprise her with a photo shoot. Oh how I would LOVE this one!
  • Buy a fondue set and have a fondue date at home. Have a variety of things ready to dip in melted chocolate, or cheese if that’s your thing.
  • Buy fill-in-the-blank books and fill them in together. My husband and I did this together early in our marriage. I we looked forward to it every night before bed and it gave us something to do together when we were too exhausted for the grown-up thing!
  • Take her to a lake that has a pier and have a picnic.
  • Give the girl a reason to dress up. Make sure you don’t look like a scrub though or y’all will look like an odd couple and couples like my husband and I will point and whisper about you!

Use your personalities to your advantage. If you both are into something weird together, let that part of your personalities shine through. Example, If you are into Call of Duty or something make a theme out of that. Make sense?

ADD SOME HUMOR TO THIS. My husband is going to get something like this: funny-valentines-day-cards-hubbawelcome-2

Super cute, right?

So, there are endless possibilities to showing your love that you care. If you have a smart phone there are no excuses not to google an idea or two. Just do something. Women are crazy, hormonal, bipolar creatures. Go ahead and forget Valentine’s day or put no effort into it and I guarantee your woman will turn into a complete terrorist and I am willing to bet hostile environments aren’t your thing, amirite?

A little note to women, do not contribute to the death of chivalry any more than we already have. Let him get the door for you even if you have to get out of the damn way, step to the side and just look back and smile at him. He will know what to do. It is embedded in his brain. It totally works on my husband.

Enjoy your woman. Women, enjoy your men. Love does not have to be a pain in the ass.